You’re not an American

“You’re not really an American.” I was told this the other day by my friends here and it wasn’t the first time I’ve heard this comment. My friend Xiao-Meng used to tell me this and my old roommate and friend Wan-Ting used to insinuate that she felt the same way. Obviously, I’m an American. Born in Overland Park, KS to parents of the USA. My drivers license claims that I’m a resident of the wheat state, Kansas, and my passport says United States of America.

I used to think that telling me I’m not really American was a compliment. That’s what my friends meant by the statement. They’re complementing me on my behavior… I don’t act like a “typical” American. Considering how the world has viewed our country in the past years and during the last government it really is a compliment. For my friends, it’s a way of separating me from my country. They’ve already accepted who I am and refuse to link me to the Wal-Mart shopping, obese McDonald’s eating, SUV driving, gas guzzling, Iraq War initiating, George W. Bush and his Texas-shaped-waffle-iron America.

Like I said before, this comment used to make me feel proud. I didn’t want to be associated with those “typical” American ideals. I didn’t want to act like a selfish, greedy American who shops at Wal-Mart and charges a 95 cent pack of gum on my Visa Card. But, the comment made me think about what it truly is to be an American and I’m forced to ask this question almost on a daily basis. Whether it’s a French friend making a remark about how Americans don’t learn a second language or simple questions about what living in Kansas is like, I’m forced to identify myself one way or the other with America. I still don’t have an answer to the big question, “What does it mean to be an American,” but I have more pride in my country since I’ve been living in Austria.

I used to stand more in the middle of the road. I wasn’t anti-America but definitely wasn’t pro-America either. I didn’t agree with our government, our over-abundance of goods and waste or that song by John Mellencamp “This is our country.” I think I’ve finally realized though that I am an American no matter what opinions I have about our status in the world or how I choose to behave. And, I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but from time-to-time I actually wish there was a Wal-Mart or at the very least an American grocery store in Salzburg. I find myself thinking sometimes that I would give anything to stand in an entire aisle of cereal or be able to choose between 75 brands of face wash!

Now I’m not about to join the army when I return or start wearing American flags as a fashion statement, but the semester is over and I’ve changed. I’m thinking about how I’ve spent my time here. Studying abroad is of course about education, but not just academic education. The experience is about learning the language and culture of your host institution as well as learning about yourself.

This realization helped me out a bit when I learned that the University of Salzburg awarded me my first D in Österreichische Geschichte: Die Alpen (Austrian History of the Alps). This D will forever blemish my transcript but it’s not a reflection of what I’ve actually learned here, or haven’t learned. When I got my test back and looked at my grade, I was of course upset, but realized that I have actually discovered so much since I arrived in Salzburg four months ago. The first day of this class I didn’t understand anything the instructor said, but by the end I began to understand at least bits and pieces or general ideas. I’ve learned the language, the culture, how to be truly independent and even pieces of myself I would have never known otherwise…

like actually admitting to being a proud American and wanting to shop at Wal-Mart.