The fantasies of my glorious return home, with cheering faces, helium balloons, a welcome home banner and all of the people I love, are beginning to fade as the reality of it all begins to surface. Students are beginning to go home and classes are nearing their end. I’ve already begun packing and suddenly I’ve changed my opinion on leaving this place. The last month or so I’ve been sentimental, but looking forward to planting my feet on American soil. Suddenly, I’m not so sure I want to leave.
There are so many things I love about Salzburg, and Austria, and living in Europe. I’ve made a quaint life for myself here. Presently, this is my life. I have a home. I have friends. I go to school at the University of Salzburg. I know my way around. I suppose it feels sort of like it did graduating high school or leaving Emporia State, or dealing with any big, looming change.
I guess I can honestly say, just like graduating Paola High or leaving Emporia State, part of me is ready to move on and enter the next stage of my life. Sometimes there is a little voice inside me reminding me that I’m nearing my quarter of a century birthday and I need to grow up, get a job, a place to live and quit living such a care free life gallivanting around Europe and claiming residence in the picturesque city of The Sound of Music. But it seems so different this time around.
Before I had always had a plan. When I graduated from high school and left home I knew I was going to Emporia State University. During the course of my years at Emporia, I knew I wanted to study abroad and eventually go to graduate school for art therapy. So the plan had always been, college, study abroad, graduate school, art therapist. I still have a passion for art as healing and continuing my education, but now the world seems so open and the opportunities are endless!
If I’ve learned anything about life, it’s that things don’t always work out as planned. I guess one could take that the pessimistic route and say, “well if things never work out as planned then why plan anything?” Well, if you know me at all you know that I’m a planner. I make lists. I stick to schedules. I’m always the one 10 minutes early wondering where is everyone else? One of my faults has always been that I get incredibly disappointed when things don’t turn out the way I planned. I think I’ve finally overcome that awful personality trait. Of course I’m still making plans and have goals, but maybe with less detail and less expectations about the outcomes. I think that as long as we are striving towards something, and never settling for mediocre, then life is good. It’s human nature to strive towards something, which I was reminded of on my recent trip to Berlin. If you recall history, they had to build a wall to keep the people in East Berlin because no one wanted to settle for mediocre lives! I’ve made a promise to myself to always strive and never settle for less than happiness. I guess I always had that spark inside me or I never would have dedicated 9 months of my life to Salzburg, Austria without knowing what to expect. My time here has just fed the flame. I thank Salzburg everyday for what she has given me.
So what now? I’m packing, studying, writing final papers. I’ve turned into a sentimental maniac who says goodbye to the grey cat with white stripes on the corner of Robert Preussler Strasse and the shortcut through the bushes of the Leiner parking lot, to the gorgeous view of the mountains on the path I sometimes take to class, just because it may be the last time I ever see them. I’ve already had three friends leave me and return to their lives in their respective countries, Ciara, Kelly and Kim. I’ve crammed in last minute visits to Berlin, Vienna to see the family one more time, and the Eisriesenwelt in Werfen (ice caves in Werfen, Austria). What I have to look forward to this week is an emotional roller coaster of goodbyes and all things having to do with the word last.
Then early next Thursday morning, very early on June 25, I’ll be on my way back to Kansas to be greeted by my incredibly loving and supportive parents at exactly 4:47 p.m. Kansas time. Maybe it’s cliché to say that it seems like just yesterday when they drove me to Kansas City International Airport and waved me off on my journey. I still remember their faces through the glass as they stood outside the terminal waiting for me to board and waving goodbye. They were the last ones to say goodbye and will be the first ones to say hello.
Before I know it I’ll be back in the states re-adjusting to “normal” life and figuring out my next step once I proudly receive my college diplomas from ESU in August, Bachelor of Science in Art and Bachelor of Art in German. Then what? Career? Temporary job? Graduate applications? Kansas or California? St. Louis or New Orleans? (With what I hear of the economy, this college grad may be staying with good ol’ mom for longer than I had originally expected.)
I’ll be surrounded by familiar faces, familiar language and scarfing down familiar foods, but I’m not really sure what to expect in terms of how I will feel. This is all new to me as I have never left my home for so long and been so reluctant to return.
As far as my blog goes, you haven’t heard the last of me just yet. I want to give myself this week to digest the reality of what is happening and give Salzburg a proper written farewell, which is how I do it best, because I’m not quite ready to say goodbye…
